UP FOR DISCUSSION: Faith has been an important part of my caregiver journey, and this week especially I have been reminded repeatedly of the wisdom to “Let go and let God.” As newcomers join our caregiver ranks all the way through to those now having to say goodbye to their loved ones, this sage advice seems so important – yet so very difficult to do! Why is that so? Is it all in this act of surrender?
I have not yet met a family caregiver who did not take their job seriously, and work to gather a better understanding of all that the role entails. Some of that knowledge comes by trial and er…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: For those of us who are coffee drinkers, there can sometimes be nothing more calming and reassuring than the warm and aromatic first cup of coffee in the morning! Not only does it help bridge the gap between sleep and a new day, but it can also set the tone for the day that cannot be ignored! And I feel gratitude … yes, for the opportunity to once again try to get things right!
In my early adult years, I was not into coffee. Diet Coke was my drink of choice for consuming caffeine daily, and a demanding job usually had me starting my first can early in the morning. Co…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: Reminded lately that there are many difficulties that pop up with someone living with a chronic and progressive illness, when they do occur, they can create trauma for everyone involved. So, it can be expected that caregivers especially learn to brace for the worst and hope for the best. What-ifs creep in. Imagine the surprise when things go exactly as predicted and according to the well-made plan! Why is it such a surprise?
We faced a new challenge this past week that – to my surprise – went amazingly well! Not because of meticulous planning, although I can assure you that was done in detail over the past several…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: We have all heard the sad statistics that a high percentage of caregivers will succumb to a personal health issue before the loved one they are caring for. It is a reality that becomes more obvious the longer you walk this caregiver journey. The ultimate result is that our care recipients lose their lifeline … as the person who has cared for them can no longer do the job they have been called upon to do. What can be done to keep this outcome from continuing to happen?
Do you know a caregiver who is fighting their own health issues? Have they had a recent hospitalization, a stint in rehab, or perhaps have taken a pass on a needed procedure because they are no…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: As I continue my quest for daily joy, I have discovered that it often starts with gratitude. When I end my days thinking about what was good about the past twenty-four hours, I often find that the joys seem to be tightly correlated with some sense of gratitude … even about silly things like who won the game or the fifteen-pound salmon that was caught at night over a thousand miles away in Lake Michigan.
Coming off a long Labor Day weekend, as I revisit the moments of joy I encountered along the way, I am a little surprised to discover my joy came more from my gratitude for my family and friends…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: It seems that the last couple of weeks have been full of wins and losses, sunshine and storms, no change followed by a lot of change, and a shift in the weather that is promising a transformation of seasons. But when we live a one-day-at-a-time lifestyle, that is the only thing that matters. How did today go?
The best Dolly Parton quote I hear as I continue to encounter tributes to this well-loved country western star almost everywhere I go, is this: “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you go…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: While many of us understand why our faith has been instrumental in providing direction and comfort along the uncertain pathway of being a family caregiver; occasionally, I am reminded of exactly what that looks like – practically speaking. Is our faith community found at the church that we attend, or rather is it in the world that we encounter, in part because of our faith?
Perhaps the most humbling part of being an active member of a faith-based ministry that works to walk alongside family caregivers at some of the toughest times of their lives is that occasionall…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: With a recent journey back into the land of uncertainty and questions about what really constitutes quality of life, I am again reminded that the most critical connection we have on this journey is that provided by our own faith. When we find ourselves back in “the middle of the mess”, are we staying connected to – and abiding within – the right mindset or are old habits creeping in?
We had another medical scare recently and imagine my surprise when I found myself in the same old throes of self-doubt as I gathered more information and moved forward to explore just how next s…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: Connection has been on my mind a lot lately. How does anyone stay in touch with the world as it continues to spin outside of our own caregiver journey? How can we live for today, but remember we are still a part of something so much bigger than what we can experience at this current moment? Are you finding yourself lost sometimes, staring into the middle distance?
I am rereading a book this summer that I have mentioned before. It was a delightful read the first time through, but once it resolved on page 384, I realized I had missed so much because I did…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: Every caregiver wonders at some point in their journey whether anyone might be looking out for them? They remain so focused on the task at hand that they sometimes even forget to ask for support from those most likely to be able to give it. Imagine the joy when you stop to realize the sheer number of people willing to go out of their way to specifically let YOU know that they care!
I am coming off a weekend high that has left my heart full. After many years of staying very close to home, my loved one and I traveled recently. We only went 10 miles from home, and stayed fo…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: On days when things are especially tough, it is not unusual to feel like caregiving for a loved one has become a life sentence of sorts. Most of us are in this for a long period of time, and some days can be challenging enough for us to feel that there will never again be better days. At those moments, the only message that seems to work might be “KEEP GOING”.
In a support group I attended recently, we talked a little bit about how many caregivers reach a point where they wonder whether their days as a caregiver will ever end. They become discouraged…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: As family caregivers we understand the importance of and strength to be found in community. What is so wonderful is when you see it lived out at an event that finds hundreds of strangers coming together at the same time and in the same place. Its beauty is a sight to behold but it is even better when you are privileged to be amongst those who are gathering. I am talking about another Day of Hope.
This past weekend, I was again reminded of the power of community and the absolute joy there can be in gathering to make life a little easier for another human being. Our church did so recently…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: I saw this amazing double rainbow from my window last week and hustled outside onto my driveway to see if I could get a better view! It was still sprinkling, but I didn’t care. Until collecting raindrops partially obscured the view through my glasses, I was filled with joy at the magnificent vibrancy of this colorful sight. Nature, at its very finest. And a reminder of the need to always look for those rainbows and silver linings!
Preceded by severe thunderstorm warnings for a summer storm system traveling northeast, we finally got a little rain recently and with it a lot of thunder and lightning. It came and went quickl…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: As the dog days of summer seem to be upon us, I am taken by how lethargic the 95-degree temps make me feel. I find myself hunkering down indoors, pooling errands so I do not have to be away from home for full days at a time. That behavior has allowed me to escape more fully into my quest for joyful diversions away from caregiving. My loved one, however, does not fully understand what is different and seems to want to return to normal! So interesting!
The entire country seems to be gripped by an amazing heatwave of ultra-high temperatures, with triple-digit indexes; and southwest Florida is not immune from the situation. As I write this my p…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: On this, the 250th anniversary of the founding of our country, I cannot help but wonder whether declaring independence from British rule while formulating our grand experiment of self-governing was ever intended to last for so long. Certainly, if you look at it from today’s viewpoint, the founding fathers may have left out some significant safeguards when considering a system almost totally reliant upon checks and balances. Is there any hope that this republic will stand?
Today is a significant day in our nation’s history, so I wonder, why aren’t we all out celebrating in the streets of every community across these United States? For many of us it is just anothe…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: As we continue to focus on ways to find joy and replenish energy on our caregiving journey, how do we factor in all the other people who might have wisdom that we need? Do others experience the same feelings we do, and how can we use their stories to further our own situation? Is there strength when finding validation and support for some of our greatest fears?
They say confession is good for the soul … and sad as it may seem … we caregivers have a lot to confess! We harbor feelings that do not quite feel right to us. We are reluctant to say these th…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: This past week has been a constant reminder that it isn’t until we are forced to do so that we are finally able to put the caregiver ahead of their care recipient. Why is that? Why can’t the case be made before the crisis happens to finally convince caregivers that their own health and wellbeing must be their priority? Is SELF-CARE on your today’s to-do list?
I have been busy for weeks now finding ways every day to work on my own self-care by adding small items to my daily chore list that have NOTHING TO DO WITH CAREGIVING! That is the specific cate…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: In my on-going attempts to experience something restorative every day, this summer I have committed to reading more. Not to learn anything new about caregiving but rather to experience the “bouillabaisse of humanity” that I have become so out of touch with! So instead of books on dementia, or spiritual guidance, or self-improvement, I am delving into fiction, poetry, and octopuses! I am finding such joy!
In my most recent book order (I order books from Barnes and Noble the way most people order groceries), I included two titles that had nothing to do with learning anything. As suggested by my H…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: In a lengthy discussion about purpose this week the question was posed … what have you created lately? Wow! Are caregivers supposed to be creating … even as they are busy every day maintaining … or surviving, maybe? And yet, is it possible that in the very act of creating something new we best express our hopeful enthusiasm for the future? As we search for ways to replenish our energy, what does creation even look like fifteen minutes at a time?
On this gray and cloudy morning, as I wonder again whether this next approaching front will bring enough rain to alleviate our still significant drought, my thoughts turn to creating something f…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: As we continue our exploration of micro-restoration to conserve and rebuild energy, for many of us one only needs to turn to our own communities. As caregivers, we tend to become very task-oriented, but often it is from other people that we can draw the best energy. What if your fifteen minutes each day was spent giving that time to someone who has touched your life over the years? Here are a few things you might want to try.
I reached out to a college buddy of my husband’s this week, expecting the call to go to voice mail. Instead, he answered, and we chatted for almost 20 minutes about … well, life! He is in the…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: Over the next few weeks, I think a good use of this time and space might be to delve deeper into possible ways to practice some micro-restoration as a family caregiver. You might remember the concept – frequent, short and intentional breaks scheduled into your day to bring moments of positivity designed to help recover from the stress and fatigue of that day’s chore list. Each week we’ll not only introduce a potential option or two but provide a few resources that might just work for you. Another set of tools to consider … maybe give one or two a try?
I have spent much of the past week quite literally talking about and listening to lectures about the very important topic of breathing. While I attended a two-day medical conference – virtually…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: Another reminder about self-care came across my desk this week … did you know we actually observe an annual National Women’s Checkup Day in the United States? Apparently, we celebrate it the first Monday after Mother’s Day, and it calls for a full week used to remind women everywhere to do all they can to ensure their own wellbeing. And not to be outdone, men take the full month of June to remind themselves to do the same, encouraging guys to get their annual prevention screenings. Why on earth should any of this matter?
Here we go again! Another week filled with reminders that I am falling behind in doing all the preventative and healthful things required to ensure my personal wellness. Stepping beyond exerci…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: How easy is it to think about caregiver self-care when life is demanding and unyielding? Are you a priority, or do you wait to think about taking care of yourself until a crisis occurs? It is a dilemma all family caregivers face, but do we need an early warning system or some other kind of scheduling to ensure self-care is happening often enough? What might that look like in your life?
My car is smarter than I am. I have known this for some time, but recently I have started paying closer attention to all the messaging and advice I am getting on my dashboard. In some regards…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: All family caregivers spend a good deal of their time waiting … whether that is for a medical diagnosis or better information, the next shoe to drop or a desired return to some normalcy, or even for days of healing and longed-for calm stability … we wait for many things that are mostly out of our control. When waiting becomes interminable patience wears thin, despair takes hold, and a caregiver’s hope can completely disappear. Is it in these moments that one’s faith can make the biggest difference? How do we bridge the distance of waiting so we can course-correct and resume living?
My Tuesday morning women’s group is reading another valuable book entitled Seven Spiritual Gifts of Waiting by Holly W. Whitcomb. The author is a United Church of Christ minister and retreat le…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: What did you happen to do to celebrate Earth Day this year? It went virtually unnoticed in our home, except that I did manage an early lunch with a friend and a quick hour outdoors. Most caregivers understand the healing power of being in nature, but it still is difficult to intentionally plan to do so on a regular basis. Since the Artemis II astronauts repeatedly expressed wonder at our planet from their outer space perspective, I have come to think of it a little differently. Might it make sense to see our earthly home as a constant source of daily joy?
This past Wednesday, April 22nd was Earth Day, a remembrance we have observed in this country since 1970, intended to promote environmental protection awareness and to educate on critical conser…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: This week we turn our attention to something none of us really likes to talk about … grieving the loss of a loved one long before they ultimately are taken home. Some coin this situation “ambiguous loss” – a type of grief-induced sadness that “lacks closure”. Many caregivers know just what this feels like, although we often don’t define it as grief. But when caring for a loved one living with a life-altering chronic diagnosis, is it helpful to acknowledge and deal with the losses that occur once this kind of news is given to a family? Is it fair to suggest a family caregiver is grieving the loss of a loved one while they are still alive?
In caregiver support groups every week we hear more than a few comments about the sadness, depression, guilt and frustration that occur while learning to care for a loved one living with a debil…
UP FOR DISCUSSION: As if to punctuate the awe and wonder of the Easter story, we were treated all week to news of the successful mission of Artemis II’s trip around the moon. Were you able to enjoy any of it? Have you seen the amazing pictures captured throughout their almost 700,000-mile journey? Did you hear or read any of the thoughts shared about what the crew was seeing outside of their windows? If you did watch any part of this – our latest exploration of the vast universe that we are a part of – were you as taken as I was with how small we all are in comparison? The awe and wonder dawns only when you begin to put into perspective what we can accomplish together!
What an amazing week just past in the history of the United States when it comes to space exploration. Perhaps because retirement affords more time, or because I felt a need to better understan…