UP FOR DISCUSSION: This has been another challenging week and as a caregiver we all can relate to an onslaught of changes that seem to permanently upset the routine of caring for a seriously ill loved one. Often it can leave us feeling frustrated, sad, vulnerable and – empty. Like the trees that shed every one of their leaves in the final weeks of fall, we can feel barren and exposed. But is there some value in emptiness, I wonder? Do we sometimes need to feel empty to receive what we need to get ourselves back to even?

     If you are like me, sometimes the news of the day just gets to be too much.  Whether it is what is happening nationally to our country right now, or locally with the people we surround ourselves with and care about, or events we learn about from close family and friends, or even total strangers we meet while out and about, bad things happen to good people.  One tough story after another, in rapid succession, and we begin to feel sad, depressed, exhausted, and finally sometimes just plain numb.  Empty … totally unable to feel anything.  Hollow. 

     I seem to have been there a lot recently, and finally today I was able to put this all into perspective.  In a book I am currently reading with my ‘wise women’ group, there is a daily suggestion given that reflects on the value of the empty cup.  Author Joyce Rupp in her book The Cup of Our Life – a guide to spiritual growth says this: “The spiritual path is a constant cycle of emptying and filling, of dying and rising, of accepting and letting go.”  In essence Rupp suggests that a filled cup needs to be emptied so it can be filled again … the emptiness is part of our cycles of life.  Our spirituality … our humanness.  And for caregivers, perhaps that cycle happens more frequently … and often true – more painfully. 

     A new health concern arises that further complicates the situation, the journey suddenly ends abruptly, or decisions are made that forever change any promise for tomorrow.  Acceptance, a rethinking of the future, and finally the need to let our hopes go can occur in a matter of days.  Suddenly we find ourselves praying for different things and reshaping our hopes related to imagined outcomes. We realize our pathway has changed, and we struggle to find firm footing and a new direction.  In some ways, we begin to recognize this as the story of life.  And … as Rupp suggests … we reach deep into our spirituality and ask God to refill our cup!

     And He does.  A quote by Nobel Prize in Literature winner Frenchman Albert Camus comes across your newsfeed with a beautiful illustration … “Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower” at almost the exact same time family is sending pictures of the fall splendor that is Autumn up north right before all those leaves will drop. Even in sunny and always green Florida the Laurel Oak trees are shedding their acorns like crazy right now leaving brown stains and debris all over the walkways, but the local deer and sandhill cranes are close by and come to enjoy the feast while squirrels jump from tree to tree delighting in this bountiful harvest.    

     Yesterday we had a self-care class offered to caregivers by Occupational Therapist students as part of their training.  Coincidentally, the theme was based on “filling your cup” and included decorating a simple white coffee cup with affirmations and sayings that were meant to replenish one’s hope and sense of wellbeing.  Part of the activity was writing encouraging messages to yourself and others and placing these missives in each other’s empty cups.  A ready supply of love and hope inside your cup to be there to draw upon just when you need it the most.  We can give each other love and encouragement and support when we sense a fellow caregiver is running on empty.  But when our cup is approaching empty, we also have our faith.  Sometimes it might just be that we sit with our empty cup and contemplate our future with that perspective of faith.  And regardless of what is ahead for us, for the time being we need to deal with the emptiness. 

     Joyce Rupp would suggest that “the full cup is repeatedly emptied so that it can be refilled again and again.” She continues: “Emptiness is a gift that opens us further to the transforming power of God.”  That gives me such hope in the dark moments. It certainly is something to ponder!      

• Space is carved out from a wall, and because of that space where there is nothing, you can receive light. Be empty, and you will remain full … – Lao-Tzu              

UP FOR DISCUSSION: How does your faith help you when you are feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable, or desolate?  How do you refill your cup when it becomes totally empty?  Do you view these experiences as mere cycles of life or something more?  Please share what comes to mind as you reflect on your journey.