UP FOR DISCUSSION: Time – something caregivers cannot seem to get enough of, yet we are constantly amazed at how fast – or slow – time can go! I have spent the week both marveling at how quickly this calendar year is passing but also lamenting the amount of time things take to get addressed and removed from my to-do list. Time, it seems, is sometimes the enemy, sometimes our friend, and always a factor when considering the role of caregiver.

In finishing our tax return this past week, I wondered at what exactly happened to the first quarter of this year.  How can we possibly already be into April, with Easter right around the corner and the summer hurricane season looming large again here in Florida.  It doesn’t seem possible … yet here we are.  At the same time, I am frustrated because everything seems to take longer than it should and dealing with so many unknowns can make each day feel like an entire week.  Give any of that sense of urgency up to daydreaming, and the list can become anxiety-provoking.  No time to waste, there is so much to be done!  But I wonder if there is a better way of managing our time as caregivers.

Dr. Kelly Flanagan, psychologist and author of Loveable, said this recently in his blog, intent on encouraging his readers to embrace time challenges with a more open and receptive mindset:

“

• Memory allows us to travel backward in time.
• Mindfulness empowers us to be present to this moment in time.
• Imagination frees us to move forward in time.

Memory. Mindfulness. Imagination. Together, they allow us to cherish what was, to fully experience what is, and to foresee what we will lose so we can love it all the more while we can. “

We can use our time in a myriad of ways.  There is not a right or wrong way to look at the time allotted to each of us, nor do we need a formula for enduring the pace of time – whether we may find it to be moving too fast or just plain agonizingly slow.  It feels like Dr. Flanagan is suggesting time is not to be managed at all but instead should serve as a tool to better understand the ways our remaining time can be best enjoyed.  For none of us really knows what that number is, right?  Would we do things differently each day if we had a definitive timeline?  One more day.  One more week.  One more month, or year, or decade?

Given that lens, for me, it doesn’t matter so much that it will be another three months before I can get in to see that certain doctor, or maybe a year before family will be able to visit again.  It also removes the urgency to get things exactly right all the time and softens my resolve to never let anyone down.  Instead, it encourages me to remember those times in the past where I felt the most connected, healthy, and strong and to draw upon those moments.  It reminds me that the only things that should be demanding my time right now exist today, as tomorrow and the next day may never come.  And thoughts about the future should be limited to daydreaming and hopeful imagining of how I might someday spend my time … a positive outlook to when everything will be easier and calmer – with all my worries and unresolved questions answered.

Time is neither a friend nor an enemy, but it is a gift.  And when I allow myself to imagine what the future looks like, things quickly become fuzzy and ultimately stressful.  I am looking for answers – that will likely never come until those tomorrows become my today.  But I can utilize memory, mindfulness, and my imagination to find joy and gratitude for every moment I am given.  That concept resonates well with me.

UP FOR DISCUSSION: Do you find yourself short on time and constantly wishing you could find a way to just waste some? Do you ever feel that others have no problem wasting your time?  Is it possible to reshape the way we look at and value our time? Please feel free to share your ideas with us.