I have a friend who is a first-year seminary student, and I love the opportunity to talk with her about all the new she is experiencing in her life with this change of direction. Not exactly a mid-life crisis, this decision to pursue a divinity degree certainly has upended her previously well-ordered and stable life. She went from near certainty to a life filled with wonder and some doubt about what lies ahead. She put it all on the line to make this change … all the time believing that God has a plan for her that will be revealed by pursuing this path.
On a recent call we talked at length about the people who have come into her life in the past six months as she wondered aloud what God had in store for her as it related to each of them. How do they figure into her journey and what does God want her to learn from each of them? As we talked, I was struck by another question – perhaps she is meant to be a part of their journey, and their role is only to learn from her.
My mind went immediately to all those – past and present – who have appeared in my life and changed it in some significant way. From my high school and college days, certainly different teachers helped me think my way forward. I remember colleagues throughout my career who shaped me over the years. Personal relationships that offered so much more than friendship and fundamentally changed my life. And as I think back over my caregiving journey I can speak to any number of individuals who have consistently been there or made a difference at precisely the right time.
Henri Nouwen had this to say about community and the people that God brings into our lives: “Life is full of gains and losses, joys and sorrows, ups and downs—but we do not have to live it alone. We want to drink our cup together and thus celebrate the truth that the wounds of our individual lives, which seem intolerable when lived alone, become sources of healing when we live them as part of a fellowship of mutual care.” From his own experiences with caregiving, he said this about his time working with a severely handicapped population: L’Arche is not a service institution or a group home. It is a community that exists to reveal God’s love.” Finally, Henri admonished all of us to “pay attention to the people God puts in your path if you want to discern what God is up to in your life.”
I wonder whether the role of family caregiver would feel different if we viewed it as God’s quest for us to make a difference in someone else’s life? Certainly, we bring something to our loved one’s life that could not be duplicated by any other person, but does it go beyond that? Are we setting an example for someone currently not involved in caregiving to learn from and emulate later? Could the lessons we share of our caregiver journey be meant for someone other than the caregiver or the care recipient? And is the role of family caregiver perhaps God’s mechanism to provide that “fellowship of mutual care” that Nouwen talks about? Instead of surviving the challenges while moving forward, perhaps the better approach might be to consider ‘how is God working through me and what can I bring to another person’s story?’ Are we the strangers who seem to have magically appeared in someone else’s life? After all, some believe, we are all just here to walk each other home.
UP FOR DISCUSSION: Would our lives be any easier if we viewed each challenge as an opportunity for SOMEBODY ELSE to learn? Not just us, not just our loved ones, but maybe someone we haven’t even acknowledged is watching. Does it help us at all to feel we are an important part of a much larger group who are being asked to take care of each other? Please feel free to share your thoughts.
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